Real Talk Vol. 9: This Is Mainly For The Females...but Everyone Should Read This

This, I feel is very important for yall to check out! My aunt Kendall wrote this...and I asked her permission to share this on my blog, which she agreed to. This really goes for everybody...as far as overall health is concerned...however...this is REALLY tailored towards females. Please read.

Before I post this...I just want yall to know that this is actually something VERY close to my heart. I can't even put it in words. I'm actually tearing up right now as I'm posting this. You'll see why as you read. If you don't take anything I've said on this blog seriously...I ask that you please take this seriously.

Ok, everyone. I usually don't blog, but after watching the aforementioned segment *Black in America pt. 2*, I feel compelled to share my experiences and urge women that I know to educate themselves more on this issue. As young women, I do not believe we fully understand the importance of our health and maintaining it as a priority. Although I am aware that Breast Cancer runs rampant in the black community, I tend to push it aside to deal with more immediate issues in my life. February, 2008, I received a phone call from my sister, Sonja, with whom I had recently become close after the birth of my daughter in 2000. I sensed something was wrong, but I was eager to hear from her. She then proceeded to tell me that she had terminal cancer, and had been in the hospital for more than two weeks, and she had just mustered the courage to call and tell me. I was shocked at the scream that came from within me; I did not know that I had the capacity for it to be so powerful.

The following day, two of my brothers and I traveled to Hanford, which is approximately 3 hours north of Los Angeles. I had to see firsthand what was going on, and to get a visual of this horrible reality. Upon walking into her hospital room, I saw what I thought was a woman who was at least 7 months pregnant, with extremely edematous lower extremities—until my sister turned toward us and spoke. We later found out that the cancer, which originated in her right breast, had rapidly spread to her bones, lungs, liver and abdomen. The doctor informed me that even with aggressive chemotherapy, which she declined, she would survive another three months, at best. My sister was in pain so intolerable, it hurt when she exhaled, and was even worse when she spoke.

Monday, February 4, 2008, after visitors had gone for the evening, I put a warm blanket over my sister, turned her television on, and moved the recliner that the hospital provided for me closer to her bed. She laughed while I cracked jokes; it was my way of trying to soften the blow of what was told to us earlier in the day, and to ease her into accepting the inevitable in such a short time. She wrote on a piece of paper that she was scared, that the outcome was unfair, and she needed to be here for her children. I assured her that if she were to pass, I would become responsible for her 26 year-old developmentally disabled daughter and her then 17 year-old son. She turned and smiled at me, and I told her never realized how much she looked like our mother until now. She politely flipped me “the bird” and settled back in her bed, attempting to get some sleep for the night. I grabbed my sister’s hand, told her I loved her, and we both went to sleep- still holding hands.

Earlier that night, Sonja kept removing her oxygen mask to talk, and I would run over to her and put it back on her face and told her to shut her mouth and to write whatever she needed to tell me. I was awakened by the rush of nurses into the room, who informed me that her heart rate was dropping rapidly, and they needed to perform CPR. Before I was escorted out of the room, I touched her hand and it was ice cold. Any glimmer of hope I had of them saving her was now gone. I sat in the waiting room down the hall. Fifteen minutes later, at 1:01am, the nurse entered the waiting room and told me she was sorry, and their attempts to resuscitate her had failed. I visited my sister shortly thereafter, and was surprised at the courage I had to enter the room, knowing that the person that I adored all of my life, had given up fighting her battle with cancer, at the age of 48.

My niece told me several days later that Sonja had noticed a lump in her breast several months before, and had gone to get a biopsy, but never returned to the physician for the results.

I apologize if this note is lengthy, but I cannot begin to express the importance of us as women to have regularly scheduled mammograms. The earlier cancer is caught, the better the odds of survival. I encourage everyone, male and female, to urge your mothers, wives, sisters, aunts…..WHOMEVER….to schedule an appointment. The pain and inconvenience one may experience during a mammogram/biospy is incomparable to the pain of cancer ravaging your body.

Needless to say, I’m quitting smoking. It is gonna be a hard road, but I want to be here for me….. and everyone else.

Just wanted to weigh my opinion

I may get a little backlash for this...but oh well. This whole "voicing my opinion" thing I've started to do on a more normal basis recently has gotten me into a LOT of trouble before...I'll be aiite. lol

but before anyone wants to comment or completely dismiss everything I'm saying, I ask that you read this all the way through and truly think deep about this...ok?....ok.

Chris Brown.

*I already hear all of the "Ahh HELL naw!!!"s*

But when is everyone gonna let this go? Yea he screwed up, royally I might add. But how long are we gonna dwell on this?

First of all, I see people commenting about how they won't forget what Chris Brown did like they personally got beat by him. He didn't do anything to yall. He doesn't even know yall. So why act so hurt by it? That was probably ok back in February when it happened, but it's July now going on August. Be real.

Secondly...why are people so caught up on what Rihanna is doing? Yea, she been chillin' with Chris it seems. Why? That's beyond me. However, if that's her decision, then yo...leave that be. Obviously she's gotten to a point where she's gotten past it and wants to move on with her life how she sees fit...so let her do so. It seems like she's forgiven him, if not completely then at least to a certain extent. So why can't we? And nobody should sit there and say, "I could never forgive something like that!" BS! The only thing that's unforgivable is speaking blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. *but I'm not gonna go there* Any other crime, sin, wrongdoing is very capable of being forgiven of. So if Rihanna can forgive, as it seems she's done in some capacity, what's stopping you? There's really no excuse.

Chris Brown made a very huge mistake. There's no denying that. And he's paying his price for it. So why can't we all just let him learn from his mistake and grow from it? Like any of us haven't made any mistakes we needed forgiveness from. Keep in mind...I'm not talking about the magnitude of his wrongdoing, however just the act of a wrongdoing in general. Think about it like this...if Chris was your older or younger brother, and he did that...would you not want everybody to forgive him and give him a second chance? Imagine your own brother doing something like that to someone...you would probably be sickened by his actions, but you'd forgive him. And you'd hope others could too and chalk it up to a mistake made. That's all this really is at the end of the day.

And it would be one thing if he did what he did and left it as it was. He's not doing that though. Yea he has his mandatory volunteer work or whatever. But he's been talking to his pastor and seeking counseling to help him with what happened. He's trying to improve from it, and you can't knock the man for that. Allow the man to improve. Now if he comes out of all of this better, and seriously never makes that same mistake...then it's all worth it. But everyone has to allow time for that to occur. Now if he was to relapse and do that again...then yea shun him from society...make him Run It Run It with OG Triple OG...all of that.

Back to Rihanna going back and kickin' it with homie...ask yourselves this question...and keep in mind I'm not talking about the magnitude in which Chris Brown did his wrongdoing, but just somebody doing you wrong in general. How many times has somebody done you wrong, in one way or another, and yet and still you find time to hang out with him/her? Why did you find it appropriate to do so? Maybe cuz you forgave him...chalked it up to a mistake. Maybe just for comfortability's sake. Whatever the case may be...I'm pretty sure most everyone reading this has done so. Hell, I'm doing it now. Yea I've been done wrong in the past *that's another blog entry if I ever REALLY feel like opening up lol, probably won't though since it's in the past, I know some of yall understand though* but I can look past certain things and keep it moving. Now I'm not saying forget...of course not. But it seems some people are blending forgetting with forgiving...which isn't cool. Everyone deserves to be forgiven...in the case of Rihanna and Chris...he deserves to be forgiven. Now if Rihanna chooses to never be around him again...then hey...that's her decision. But it's also her decision if she does like being around him. Just because he made that one mistake doesn't mean he's now a horrible person...just a guy that made a mistake.

I hope that when I say forgive the man, that people think I'm suggesting things be the way they were before. That's a huge hell no. He definitely has to work his way back into the arms of the people, work for his previous status and all that. But we can't deny him that chance. You know what the funny thing about this is? If this were to happen to somebody like Gucci Mane or somebody like that, people would pretty much write it off. And it's true...check out GUCCI!. yea people would argue the circumstances were different or not as big or WHATEVER, but the fact is he did the same thing Chris did, which was assault a female, which is NEVER ok...but it's still forgivable.

In closing...you don't have to like the man...you don't have to listen to his music anymore...buy doublemint gum...whatever! But at least forgive the man and let him do him and pretend he never existed instead of always wanting to put your two cents in on the situation, knowing it's always going to be a negative comment. He doesn't need that, and neither do you. He's trying to progress...and if you wanna give negative comments all the time...how much better of a person does that make you? And yea, Rihanna might be chillin with Chris still. Let her! It's her life, and she obviously has an idea as to what she's doing. No need to comment about it or judge her for it. Honestly, I'm proud of her for being able to forgive and still being able to do what she is doing without really showing the public the adverse effects I'm sure that situation had on her. It really shows her confidence, security, resilience, and overall maturity as a person, IMO at least. So more power to them both.

I think that's all I really wanted to say about that. Questions, comments, concerns? Let me know.

HOLLA!!!!!

Real Talk Vol. 8: Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

*ok...this is not meant to offend anyone...so read the whole thing before you raise in arms...there is a point...as usual*

Yall know how you be in the club, or at some party, and the DJ would say somethin' to the likes of "If you a pretty female throw your hands in the air and scream!"...and for some reason...EVERYBODY gotta have the nerve to raise their hands up and scream? I know i'm not the only one that thinks that...or has said that either.

I said before that I would speak on what I meant by pretty in a much earlier post...so i'm now doing so.

I always understood that everyone had different preferences concerning what was attractive to them, but I don't think it really hit me until having a few conversations with my brother. Like, I'd see someone on TV or out somewhere and be like "Hey she's cute" only for him to say "Not really."

Pretty. It can't be universally defined. And i'm using the word pretty as a term to encompass all words that serve as synonyms: beauty, glamour, attractiveness, etc. But yea...everyone is going to have their own personal meaning.

Now with that, I feel like people need to learn how to accept the opposite end of that spectrum. Certain people are simply not attractive to other people. There is nothing wrong with that, but people need to learn to accept that and keep life moving. I forget where I was, but one day a month or so back I heard this group of people arguing because some guy supposedly said this girl was not that attractive. I pretty much laughed inside at how silly that argument was. I mean, it's one thing for someone to say such a thing in a disrespective connotation. But if someone is simply giving their opinion, then where's the wrong in that? I know there are people in the world people think are absolutely gorgeous that I don't. Halle Berry for instance. OK nah HORRIBLE example! LOL. People like her and Stacey Dash just go into a pot of automatically BAD!! lol...but ok...I'll just say Raven Symone for now or something. I know people will find her to be mad gorgeous...but she doesn't do it for me.

Back to the people in the club. I feel like some people don't have any business putting their hands up...but that's just my personal opinion. Not being disrespectful by any means...just being honest. But one other conclusion I've come to in thinking about this topic...what does it ULTIMATELY matter what everyone thinks? I would hope that people find themselves attractive. I mean, if you can't find yourself attractive, then why should anyone else? I know for a fact that I'm not attractive to every single female in the world. I personally think I'm handsome as hell. And I'm not saying this egotistically or anything like that, but that's how I feel...and there's nothing wrong with that. I look into the mirror everyday and see a strapping young gentleman! And that's important. If you can't accept that from yourself, you're gonna find it very hard to accept it from somebody else.

Pretty is different for everybody. I know what pretty is for me, which is all that matters in the end. So when I said wayyyyyy before I have an affinity for pretty people, and when I had described CoCo as one of those pretty females, you may disagree with my idea of pretty...and that's cool. Do you. However, in my eyes, that is how beauty is beheld. I won't go into describing what pretty is for me since that really is for my edification only...and I don't want people to try and fit themselves in certain categories that I may mention, cuz it shouldn't matter what I think. But I hope people understand that just because a certain person may not be attractive to another person or group of people, that's not to say that somebody else doesn't find them attractive. And, more importantly, people should always be attractive to themselves, IMO at least. And even MORE importantly, God loves you and will always find you attractive. (Yea that may sound cheesy or whatever, but I'm saying that with the utmost sincerity.)

Same goes for males...but me being a male interested in women, I choose to speak about women. Yall understand.

So...for my pretty people out there reading this...leave a comment and tell me what you think!!!!! ;)

HOLLA!!!!!

Real Talk Vol. 7: Just REAL TALK!!!!!

Amen!

Hallelujah!

Yes!!!!!

I know I've said this plenty of times...but I just don't think it ever seems to hit correctly coming from a guy. So bless this lovely lady for putting this out there! All, and I do mean ALL, women need to see this. Not judging...but real talk...look at this and see if anything here applies in your life. Some may have already known this...but it's a great refresher!



And...real talk...if she wasn't married...she could DEFINITELY get the happiness! I'd be ALL the man she needs. *gnr*

HOLLA!!!!!

Man Rule #2

Do not complain about a job you have if you are not in the position to be complaining.

People wanna talk about how unhappy they are at their job, or how they wanna leave whatever company they are with to work for another, or just complain for the sake of complaining. Real talk...that's not becoming of a man.

I know I used to be one of those people at some point...always dreading the hours to come when I'd have to go to work when I knew I couldn't stand the bosses/ disliked what I did. After much reflection, and trying times, for what?

Be happy you got a damn job! Especially in this economy today - *yo that is like the NUMBER TWO used phrase for anything...think about it..."I wanna go on vacation, but in this economy...", or "I wanna go to such and such school, but in this economy...", or even "Normally we'd go to Red Lobster, but...shit in THIS economy..."* - even people with Ph.D's are having troubles and are resorting to baggage handling jobs at Delta just to put food on the table. People are still getting laid off today! And you wanna complain about the job you HAVE?

If you're a true man...and any man will tell you this...but if you're a true man, especially one with a family and obligatory expenses, you are going to do whatever it is you gotta do to put food on the table and get those bills paid. Even if you aren't one of those men with extreme expenses, no man likes to be broke! Period! Yea...times are hard sometimes...but if you can find comfort and solace in being broke...I'm sorry...and not trying to judge you...but you're no man. Yea people like to cry broke here and there...and it may be true. Nothing wrong with that. But if you don't see a problem with it, or if you aren't trying to find a way to improve that situation...then you got some growing to do.

Being real...no man should EVER enjoy being broke. Cuz I assure you, no woman will put up with a man who stay broke and ain't trying to do nothing to fix it! *yea I'm speaking in my non-professional tone right now...so don't you DARE judge my grammar! lol*

Furthermore...since when were you "too good" to do any type of labor? Now...every man should strive for the best. Get that good career with a salary. Grab something with residual income...all that! However...I find it very annoying when I hear a "man" say..."Oh I'm not doing that! That's not for me! I couldn't do that. I'm not gonna get my hands dirty doing that." *Yes I've actually heard everything I've said in this entry.*

smh

Now...should you WANT to do some of those things. Of course not. You probably deserve better and should always strive to do better. However, if those are the cards you dealt...you're not gonna fold them! Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...and that's just not an option.

I know back in the day I used to say that I'd NEVER work at a fast-food restaurant. I never wanted to. I might have even thought I was "too good" for it. But...as things have turned out now...sometimes that's just what you have to do in order to move forward. You gotta start somewhere and sometimes do things you don't want to do or never saw yourself doing. Now I'm at a fast-food restaurant, sometimes dressing as the freakin' mascot to bring in customers. Why? To tithe, to pay for school, a monthly phone bill, car repairs, other miscellaneous expenses, and to have extra money to save and spend as I please. Now, will I stay there? HELL NO!! I'm on a path of greatness that just happened to start where it started. However, on the way, I won't complain about what is. What is is what is...no use in complaining.

Just wanted to get that off my chest! What you think?

p.s. The NUMBER ONE phrase used for anything is "We in a recession." and no...not "We're in a recession," but "We in a recession!"

HOLLA!!!!!

Real Talk Vol. 6: Letter to My Queens

Courtesy of my homegirl LoLo...I took this from her. Love ya girl!

"Dear black women of America,

It has been called to my attention that many of us have demonstrated unparalleled amounts of ignorance in a time when we should be banding together to improve our world and make better lives for our children. If you are unclear as to what ignorance and ghetto-ness I speak of, please refer to the guidelines I've given below. As a black woman of today, if you follow these guidelines, you will not only live a happier, healthier life, but you'll have done your part to help eradicate the world of negative black female stereotypes.

1. If you wear weave, please make sure it's Yaki and not past mid-shoulder length. Recent touch ups and properly straightened edges are mandatory.

2. Birth control and condoms work, so PLEASE, use them freely. Note: A negro telling you he loves you is not a written contract that guarantees he is disease free and will pay child support.

3. If you must take a phone call in a public place, please talk at a normal volume and refrain from using curse words.

4. Blue/violet contacts don't work on you, I don't care how light you think you are.

5. There are more ways to express your disapproval in a situation than rolling your head/eyes and looking like you smell something stank. Use your words, they work better.

6. Too tight clothes don't look good on anyone. Wear the size you are...not the size that you think you are. Note: if you have to lay down to zip up your pants, you might want to think about moving up to the next size.

7. If you have kids, please make sure they are clean and look put together when they leave the house.

8. Again, if you have kids, try to limit your "going out" activities to once a week.

9. Instead of spending hours teaching your child the stanky leg, try reading them a damn book.

Finally, ladies, I say to you, this last guideline is the most important of all guidelines...STOP HATING ON EACH OTHER. If you see a sista doing better than you, simply try to find out how she got that way and take a damn note!

Strive for better:

- Instead of finding a baby daddy, work on finding a husband
- Instead of finding a man with a record, find one with a career
- Instead of dealing with a guy who lives with his momma, find one that has a landlord or owns his own property
- Stop dating men whose car costs more than his monthly rent
- If he'd rather spend money on shoes/clothes/cars than saving up for a home, he might not be the best choice for you if you desire stability
- Don't date dude with kids who don't pay child support

Sincerely,

The BLATTDB (Black Ladies of America Trying To Do Better)"

*by way of J.B. Charisma*

And to the men who may feel offended by the "Strive for Better" section, and fit the negatives of that list...then Real Talk... T.I. -- Urban Legend -- Track 10.

HOLLA!!!!!

Real Talk Vol. FIVE: By Raise Of Hands...

Does anybody else find it funny when somebody...especially outside of your "circle"...speaks on something they THINK they are just so knowledgeable about...thinking they have "proof" and that they just COULDN'T be wrong about what they are saying...only to know in the back of your mind they sound so ignorant and silly, knowing if they knew the ACTUAL truth of what they were speaking, they'd probably end up crying, awestruck and wishing they never opened their mouth in the first place?

Does anybody else get tired of other people talking and talking, only to say nothing productive...but just feeding the plants CO2 and wasting their precious voicebox speaking negativity about other things/people?

Does anybody else wish people would stop being fairweather Friends...having your back/filling the duties of a friend when it's most convenient for them, only to leave you standing in the rain, and then adding unnecessary wind to the bad weather?

Does anybody else wonder why people can get so buck, live, and "honest" when under the influence of something other than life itself, yet cannot ever muster up the courage to say what they wanna say at 5:55pm when they're feeling nice and normal?

Does anybody else hate hearing one of your friends distressed, upset, sad, and anything else but happy, trying to find the words to say that'll make sure your friend feels better and happy...all the while clinching your fists and gritting your teeth on the other side of the phone, rapidly trying to figure out a way to best handle a situation to make sure that NEVER happens again?

Does anybody else feel like the high road is a bunch of bullshit sometimes, and just wish for a few moments you could find complete satisfaction in stooping down a couple levels and giving people what you feel they deserve?

Does anybody else feel me?

Does anybody else understand?

Tis all.

Just Rambling

I just had to say...I'm feelin legit confused. No BS.

If you know me...you know I love music...no...I LOOOOVE music! I live through music. I do everything through/with music. Yes, I mainly listen to hip-hop...but it's far from the only thing...I just...love...music. Everything about it. I always have.

A huge reasoning for my love of music is due to Michael Jackson. Real talk. like...REAL TALK! I remember being at my grandma's house...and she had this black Michael Jackson shirt I ALWAYS wore when I slept over there. And I would be in that shirt, trying to sing his songs and trying to do the moonwalk and the crazy spinning.

It's really sad how people are most remembered AFTER they died. I mean...just as a very small example...Dolla. Not to make him seem unimportant *R.I.P.* but rarely anybody knew him before he died. *By raise of hands...how many even know who I'm talking about?...don't worry...I won't judge you.*

Anyways...yo...I was watching all the tribute shows/music videos/news reports on Michael Jackson today...and it just gets me more and more sad as time goes by. Like...I grew up on this guy...still can sing a good majority of his songs by heart. It's crazy yo. Just thinking about how far music came thanks to him alone.

I think what really started hitting me was looking at how other people were reacting to his death. Like...I was fine at first. But finally getting a chance to see other people's reaction...it really is saddening.

From a musical standpoint...I mean...we just lost the biggest musical icon of all time...the definition of such a term. Like...wow. Even just watching his videos...everything just seems surreal.

I've been listening to his music all day. On repeat. It's just crazy man. I mean...I listened to it when he was alive...but does anybody else feel like everything he said has a much more deeper meaning now that he's gone? How come that's ALWAYS the case? With everything? Vincent Van Gogh...painter. Nobody appreciated his work till AFTER he died. Every great rapper...yes they were considered great rappers...but it's not until AFTER they die that they become untouchable legends. It's just crazy man.

I think what's most hitting me is how much his work went underappreciated. Don't get me wrong...I have always loved his music. But, it's not until he passed that I really was like...WOW...this is just ridiculous. Maybe I just feel like I underappreciated his music now that he's gone...which makes this all time-relative.

As yall may be able to see...I'm really just rambling right now. Trying to make sense of things if you will. Like...wow.

The older I get...the more I appreciate the value of life. I never really felt the pain of a death until my aunt died back in February 2008. I mean, I've known family members that have died, and other friends and acquaintances that have died from my school and whatnot...but I feel like I was young then, cuz it just really takes on another meaning most recently. I've never cried over a death. I've never really felt a heart-wrenching pain caused by a death or anything, the closest being my aunt. But the more I've gotten older...the more life just seems shorter and shorter...and more precious.

Add that with my love of music and music losing something truly great...I guess you can see where I'm going with that.

Or maybe not. Cuz I don't think I do.

yea...

I'm not depressed or anything either...it's just...mad crazy yo!

I just heard something that made me feel better.

Yall know my best friend Wesley. If not...I have a best friend named Wesley. Actually...see Friends.

Anyways...his parents are at my crib now...actin a fool! lol...anyways...they're talking about the Michael Jackson incident now...and they got on talking about him and James Brown and how we lost the both of them. This is what made me feel better. Just so you know...Mom is my mom...and Momma is Wesley's mom *yes I call her Momma*

Mom: "Michael Jackson is gone. James Brown is gone."
Momma: "And we're still here!"

Such a great way to look at it. They live on through us. :)

I really don't know what else to say right now. I really was just rambling. Besides...I have a VERY important enrty to post right now.

I Remember The Time...

Yea...so this is the first time I could get to my blog since my silly posts yesterday. First of all...I'll seriously continue my Throwback Thursday series next week. Second...there is obviously something more important to blog about.

Yes I know everyone is already on it...but yo...it could never be said enough.

Yesterday we lost probably the biggest music icon of our time. People like Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, and the like would not have the career they have without this man.

Yo...I used to try to dance like him ALL THE TIME!!! I'm still trying to perfect the moonwalk. I used to watch Michael Jackson Moonwalker on repeat all day! *don't front like none of yall watched that movie all day!* I'm more than sure EVERYBODY has at least FIVE of his songs committed to memory, and even that would be a shame.

He's truly the definition of 'Timeless.'

I'm trying not to make this sound like one of those cliche articles I'm sure you've already read...but I mean...what else can you say.

One sad thing about all of this...I feel like in the short term...like definitely over the next few months...his musical talent is going to be overshadowed by his lifestyle. All his scandals, his nose, and plenty of other things I'm sure is going to surface now that he's gone. Yes it's true...he definitely had a troubled life. He wasn't the greatest person ever. Nobody is really. He did his dirt, made his mistakes. True. But I really feel like all of that conversation should cease to exist. Let the man and his family rest in peace. We should just just bask in his music and legacy as we remember him as the GREATEST to ever do it! Period!

I hope my homegirl Marissa Mitchell is reading this. I know how much she loves him and his music. *notice I said loveS instead of loveD! He's gone physically, but he'll live through his music longer than we will...real talk* I partially wrote this for you girl! While we may not show it *I personally have a problem with showing emotion, I'm working on it though*, we are all cut deep by this unexpected loss. You Are Not Alone!

I know this is personally going to take a good minute before this actually hits me. That sentence alone should just underline the sheer impact of his death. As I realize it and it truly does cut deep, for some reason I just feel like it hasn't exactly HIT me...yall understand? Like I expect to see a news story in the next few hours saying how he miraculously woke up and moonwalked out of the hospital screaming...WHO'S BAD?!!!!!!!!

With that said...here's to the King of Pop. May your music rest in everyone's souls forever. *I know it will in mine!* Damn...

Michael Joseph Jackson
(August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009)

This is where I was going to post my favorite music video of all time from Michael...but my boy LoLights (see LoLights and check out his blog...it's sick) already posted it! So instead...I'm going to post my favorite song of all time by the man! Real talk...everyone listen to this song.

Real Talk Vol. 3: A thin line between friends and.....friends?

Ask yourself a question...

How many friends do you have? I'm not trying to make this a numbers game now *not to be confused with the NUMBERS game (see Man Rule #1).* But just think about it. Who are your friends? Why are they your friends? What do you guys do as friends?

Ok...now ask this question.

Out of your friends...how many of them do you consider TRUE friends? *Yes there is a difference in my opinion* For those of you that only thought about your true friends when I asked you how many friends you had, and are now going back to the first question to think who else you would consider a friend...that isn't necessary. Like I said...it's not a game or anything...it's just to invoke thought, so it would kinda help my point. So what makes them a true friend? What actions or circumstances has proven them to be a true friend, in your opinion?

Now I don't want yall to think I'm going to sit here and talk about how some people that you consider your true friends aren't your true friends or anything like that. I'm just ranting *for the lack of a better word* about some things i've come to realize. And I also said previously (see Birthday La Flare!...love ya CoCo :D) that I would speak on friendships and whatnot. so yea. just writing up to my word.

I must say first and foremost that I am truly blessed to have the friends I do have. Real talk. I'm usually the type of person that likes to shut my friends out when things get dark. I just want to stumble around the room and try to find the light switch myself without any help, knowing that I'd find that damned light switch eventually, running into walls and stubbing my toes all the while. I've always been that way *getting better though.* Yet...my friends always find a way to be there for me anyways, even if they don't know it. So...Thanks yall. Yall know who yall are.

So I just texted somebody happy 21st birthday not too long ago. We used to be mad close...so I think...anyways much closer than we are now. Which is partially what led me to write this blog now as opposed to later. But I was just thinking about who I considered friends and why. *I still do consider her as a friend by the way, don't get me wrong.*

But yea...have you ever just sat and reminisced how things were back in the day? Who you used to hang out with? Things like that? I say that now because I feel like...at my age...the people you consider friends now, especially true friends, you are pretty much going to keep for the rest of your life...so it's always nice to look at the past and see how things have progressed. I know for me...I've seen true friends stay true friends, true friends become friends, true friends become acquaintances, friends become true friends then back to friends for whatever reason, etc. etc. Basically i've seen it all, in regards to the people I've come across and played any sort of role in my life.

If you haven't noticed by now...my thought processes are VERY unorthodoxed, but they end up making some sort of sense in the end. So if you feel like i'm going nowhere...guess what...this blog isn't for you anyways!!! It's my blog! LOL i'm being silly. but see...yea unorthodoxed. I do want you to think about some of this though. It's healthy.

I guess I should explain some of my terminology. I am basically speaking on three friendship personalities: The acquaintance, the friend, and the true friend. The acquaintance is that person you see around...maybe in a mutual circle or something...you're cordial...speak in passing...maybe a facebook wall post here and there or something. Nothing too developed. A friend is all the above...but more developed. You have deep conversations, or conversations in general past how are you doing...hang out often...speak on a more personal level...both have an established level of trust...helps you out in certain circumstances...yea things like that. The true friend is all the above...and more. The true friend is that person that is down for you no matter what...almost like an unconditional trust for and from that person...yea you get my drift.

Also...I don't want people to get true friends mixed up with close friends. I know I didn't mention close friends...but whatever...i'm tired of defining now. lol ok no I'm not. When I mention close friends, I feel like that implies a time period. Like in a given time period...a school year for example...I mainly hang out with my school peoples. At the time...a few of them would be considered my close friends...but anyways...I say that to say this. At times in life...there will be times when you hang out with certain people more than others. It's life. For example. My boy Wesley. Still like my best friend to this day. After high school we haven't really talked or kicked it as much as we used to. We still do mind you, but not at the volume we did. And I have met more people and befriended some of them between high school and now...as he has. I have spent a lot of time with certain people I would consider close friends...but that will never take away the fact that he is still one of my TRUE friends. I know, despite the decrease in communication, if he ever called me and needed anything...I got him at the drop of a dime...and i know that feeling is reciprocated.

Another example...my homegirl CoCo...since I brought her up earlier. Unlike Wesley...we've never really been the closest of friends. But I consider her one of my true friends. I know if she called me needing anything...I got her. No questions. And if I needed anything...she'd be one of the few people I'd absolutely call.

On the flipside of that...I have friends I definitely would consider close to me...yet, at times of need...they would not be the first name to pop into my head as far as people i'd trust to call.

I guess I'm saying all of this to bring up this point. I think some people tend to get their friendship boundaries blurred. Not trying to judge who people consider friends, but I feel like people sometimes don't really understand what really goes into a friendship. It's more than just a label. It's more than just a convenient circumstance between two people. And it's mutual!!!!! That's why I asked a few of the follow up questions after asking who your true friends were or how many friends you have.

It's good to have friends. It's great to have friends actually. But I feel like everyone needs to be put in certain categories, not trying to be rude or anything, but it's a necessity. Everyone is very capable of being your friend, but very few are capable of being your true friend. Just like a man can pretty much date most females. But that male isn't going to fall in love/catch deep feelings for every girl he dates. It's unhealthy.

So, basically, it's good to know who your friends are. And it's good to know who your true friends are. Like as far as true friends go *imma just use that one as an example. Most of yall reading are quite intelligent anyways...so yea...you get my drift for the most part...and not trying to call you out if you're reading and you aren't intelligent...not that I'm calling you stupid or anything.......ok let me just stop now. lol* anyways...as far as true friends go...I think of it like this. If any of my friends called me at 3am with a problem, who would I immediately wake up to help with no hesitation, no questions asked? Vice versa: If I had a problem at 3am, who would be a person I'd call? Now...not to make anyone feel less important or anything...but let's be real. Most everybody would hear that phone ring at 3am and be like "YAWN! I'll check it in the morning." and go back to sleep. and also...I know a lot of yall would think "Psh. Yea I'm not calling THAT nigga at no 3am." and it's all good...as long as you know what place your friends belong.

Ok that's all on this topic...for now at least. lol Hope you enjoyed that read. Give feedback please. What you think? Your ideas?

HOLLA!!!!!

Walking In Deep Waters pt. 1

The perfect silhouette
No face, no features
An empty void
The shell of what could be
What should’ve been
What isn’t…

The light behind the figure
Illuminating the hope
The small chance
The possibility
And the maybe
Blinding me from the insecurities
The doubt
And the cold it embodies

It’s seeming darkness intriguing
The positive to my negative
Attraction inevitable
Yet it repels itself
Unattainable

Or am I standing still?
Afraid of the flaws
Rough edges
Blemishes
And imperfections I’m blinded from

In love with an outline
Complacent with the idea of perfection
But the darkness still intrigues me
So, I put my shades on
Ready to see the hope
The small chance
The possibility
And the maybe
Turn into an actuality
An assurance
A definite
As I make my way towards

The Perfect Silhouette

Simple Pleasures

So I'm sitting on the golf course...well not really. I'm at the golf course, sitting at a table. lol whatever. Anyways...they're giving a few golf lessons to younger kids up here...so I took my 3 younger brothers up here to pick up on a few tips. I, personally, was trying to perfect my drive...the freakin ball keeps slicing to the right! IT'S SO FRUSTRATING! lol...but it's all good though. It's getting there.

So yea...their lesson is over now...and they want to hit the driving range a bit. So they're out there now...and i'm just sitting here on my computer...checking my e-mail and whatnot. So I'm looking at the boys golf...I look into the beautiful blue sky underlined by the peaks of the trees lining the driving range with the clouds swimming freely...and I feel happy.

Simple things like that really do go a long way towards happiness. I feel like people get so lost in trying to complete their goals, find a mate, become financially stable, and other things...thinking that once those things are found or accomplished, happiness will then ensue...when everyone can grasp a bit of happiness now and truly appreciate it.

It really is the simple things in life. Being able to appreciate beautiful scenery, doing something you enjoy *listening to music, laying pool side, being able to golf, etc.*, being able to watch your brothers do something they enjoy, just little things.

I challenge every one to do this...take a break from whatever it is you're doing...doesn't have to be a BREAK...but just a few minutes to yourself, and look out into space and let your thoughts cannonball into the sky as they swim with the clouds and drown in the cosmic scenery around you, creating a seismic wave of tranquility throughout your body and quenching the thirst of your soul. Now tell me...after you have done so...how much more relaxed and happy you feel.

Simple Pleasures. They make a world of difference. HOLLA!!!!!

Forgiveness

Maybe it is just me...but I'm pretty sure it's not. But anyways...I feel like a lot of people get the word "forgiveness" misconstrued. I know I was one of those people, and I kinda feel like I still do sometimes. However, I also feel like it is almost meant to be so.

Just because you say the words "I forgive (you,them, him, her, myself, you guys)" does not mean you have actually done the act of forgiving.

Forgiveness, in my recent experiences, is like an experience...emotion, only manifesting itself after the release of other emotions.

I was the type of person to always say "I forgive (you, them, him, here, myself, you guys)", but know in my heart that I hadn't really done so. It was basically just a means of having others, and even myself at times, feel better about a situation at that point in time.

I think a lot of this has to do with the cliche "Forgive, but never forget." A quote I'm sure many, if not most, live by...in a sense, I now feel like if you forgive, you have to forget. Let me explain.

Like I said earlier...forgiveness is an emotion only brought about after the release of other emotions. Any feelings of resentment in need of forgiveness will be an effect of a certain circumstance. So, in order to forgive someone or some group of people for their actions, from my understanding and experiences, one must also be willing to forgive them for the emotions their actions caused you to feel, and then release those feelings.

Now, I definitely agree with the literal meaning of the cliche mentioned above, and still live by such cliche. However, I now realize that, for me...while I know I won't forget what circumstances came about that caused me to forgive, I must make the best attempt possible to forget the feelings that were brought about. By allowing these feelings to impede on the progress of forgiveness, true forgiveness cannot occur, rather an empty shell resembling the thought of forgiveness, which contains nothing of meaning inside, manifesting itself.

Until recently, through much self-reflection, and a conversation with one of my homeboys (big ups to B-Movin!), I've come to the conclusion that the thought of forgiveness is great. However, true forgiveness takes more than just words...and actions. It takes a true and thorough soul-searching, allowing yourself to ask one simple question...Can you move on past the feelings that were caused by whatever circumstance? If you can't get past those feelings, which isn't all bad, then true forgiveness cannot occur.

And, in the act of forgiveness, only one element can help in the process, and that's time.

Just like a superficial cut, you emotions, your heart, feelings, and anything related, needs time to heal. Eventually, those feelings will scab over, and become normal. However, some instances may cause the emotional skin to become scarred...symbolizing those instances where a souvenir of that circumstance will always exist...but most times, over time of course...you will forget the pain you went through to get that scar. So I tend to think of forgiveness that way. The minute I realize I can get past the pain I went through before the scar appeared, the process of forgiveness can progress.

Just wanted to get that off my chest. Tell me what you think.