Ask yourself a question...
How many friends do you have? I'm not trying to make this a numbers game now *not to be confused with the NUMBERS game (see Man Rule #1).* But just think about it. Who are your friends? Why are they your friends? What do you guys do as friends?
Ok...now ask this question.
Out of your friends...how many of them do you consider TRUE friends? *Yes there is a difference in my opinion* For those of you that only thought about your true friends when I asked you how many friends you had, and are now going back to the first question to think who else you would consider a friend...that isn't necessary. Like I said...it's not a game or anything...it's just to invoke thought, so it would kinda help my point. So what makes them a true friend? What actions or circumstances has proven them to be a true friend, in your opinion?
Now I don't want yall to think I'm going to sit here and talk about how some people that you consider your true friends aren't your true friends or anything like that. I'm just ranting *for the lack of a better word* about some things i've come to realize. And I also said previously (see Birthday La Flare!...love ya CoCo :D) that I would speak on friendships and whatnot. so yea. just writing up to my word.
I must say first and foremost that I am truly blessed to have the friends I do have. Real talk. I'm usually the type of person that likes to shut my friends out when things get dark. I just want to stumble around the room and try to find the light switch myself without any help, knowing that I'd find that damned light switch eventually, running into walls and stubbing my toes all the while. I've always been that way *getting better though.* Yet...my friends always find a way to be there for me anyways, even if they don't know it. So...Thanks yall. Yall know who yall are.
So I just texted somebody happy 21st birthday not too long ago. We used to be mad close...so I think...anyways much closer than we are now. Which is partially what led me to write this blog now as opposed to later. But I was just thinking about who I considered friends and why. *I still do consider her as a friend by the way, don't get me wrong.*
But yea...have you ever just sat and reminisced how things were back in the day? Who you used to hang out with? Things like that? I say that now because I feel like...at my age...the people you consider friends now, especially true friends, you are pretty much going to keep for the rest of your life...so it's always nice to look at the past and see how things have progressed. I know for me...I've seen true friends stay true friends, true friends become friends, true friends become acquaintances, friends become true friends then back to friends for whatever reason, etc. etc. Basically i've seen it all, in regards to the people I've come across and played any sort of role in my life.
If you haven't noticed by now...my thought processes are VERY unorthodoxed, but they end up making some sort of sense in the end. So if you feel like i'm going nowhere...guess what...this blog isn't for you anyways!!! It's my blog! LOL i'm being silly. but see...yea unorthodoxed. I do want you to think about some of this though. It's healthy.
I guess I should explain some of my terminology. I am basically speaking on three friendship personalities: The acquaintance, the friend, and the true friend. The acquaintance is that person you see around...maybe in a mutual circle or something...you're cordial...speak in passing...maybe a facebook wall post here and there or something. Nothing too developed. A friend is all the above...but more developed. You have deep conversations, or conversations in general past how are you doing...hang out often...speak on a more personal level...both have an established level of trust...helps you out in certain circumstances...yea things like that. The true friend is all the above...and more. The true friend is that person that is down for you no matter what...almost like an unconditional trust for and from that person...yea you get my drift.
Also...I don't want people to get true friends mixed up with close friends. I know I didn't mention close friends...but whatever...i'm tired of defining now. lol ok no I'm not. When I mention close friends, I feel like that implies a time period. Like in a given time period...a school year for example...I mainly hang out with my school peoples. At the time...a few of them would be considered my close friends...but anyways...I say that to say this. At times in life...there will be times when you hang out with certain people more than others. It's life. For example. My boy Wesley. Still like my best friend to this day. After high school we haven't really talked or kicked it as much as we used to. We still do mind you, but not at the volume we did. And I have met more people and befriended some of them between high school and now...as he has. I have spent a lot of time with certain people I would consider close friends...but that will never take away the fact that he is still one of my TRUE friends. I know, despite the decrease in communication, if he ever called me and needed anything...I got him at the drop of a dime...and i know that feeling is reciprocated.
Another example...my homegirl CoCo...since I brought her up earlier. Unlike Wesley...we've never really been the closest of friends. But I consider her one of my true friends. I know if she called me needing anything...I got her. No questions. And if I needed anything...she'd be one of the few people I'd absolutely call.
On the flipside of that...I have friends I definitely would consider close to me...yet, at times of need...they would not be the first name to pop into my head as far as people i'd trust to call.
I guess I'm saying all of this to bring up this point. I think some people tend to get their friendship boundaries blurred. Not trying to judge who people consider friends, but I feel like people sometimes don't really understand what really goes into a friendship. It's more than just a label. It's more than just a convenient circumstance between two people. And it's mutual!!!!! That's why I asked a few of the follow up questions after asking who your true friends were or how many friends you have.
It's good to have friends. It's great to have friends actually. But I feel like everyone needs to be put in certain categories, not trying to be rude or anything, but it's a necessity. Everyone is very capable of being your friend, but very few are capable of being your true friend. Just like a man can pretty much date most females. But that male isn't going to fall in love/catch deep feelings for every girl he dates. It's unhealthy.
So, basically, it's good to know who your friends are. And it's good to know who your true friends are. Like as far as true friends go *imma just use that one as an example. Most of yall reading are quite intelligent anyways...so yea...you get my drift for the most part...and not trying to call you out if you're reading and you aren't intelligent...not that I'm calling you stupid or anything.......ok let me just stop now. lol* anyways...as far as true friends go...I think of it like this. If any of my friends called me at 3am with a problem, who would I immediately wake up to help with no hesitation, no questions asked? Vice versa: If I had a problem at 3am, who would be a person I'd call? Now...not to make anyone feel less important or anything...but let's be real. Most everybody would hear that phone ring at 3am and be like "YAWN! I'll check it in the morning." and go back to sleep. and also...I know a lot of yall would think "Psh. Yea I'm not calling THAT nigga at no 3am." and it's all good...as long as you know what place your friends belong.
Ok that's all on this topic...for now at least. lol Hope you enjoyed that read. Give feedback please. What you think? Your ideas?
HOLLA!!!!!
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2 comments:
great post biz. it's always always good to know that people still consider and acknowledge who is most important to them.
now. the only thing that kept coming into my mind was personality.. what i mean by that is although the definitions of different types of friendships (kinda subjective but u can still apply it to most people) can in a way determine whether or not a person will be that "call me at 3am" type.. i think the kind of person you are is a much more important factor.
for example, you and i. i know we haven't had the longest time to really get to know each other by any means. given your definitions i would consider us fairly close friends. however, i love hard - that's the type of person i am. if you were to call me at 3am from the middle of nowhere i would try to find you, you feel me?
idk if i'm making any sense.. i usually don't just blindly write haha, but i'm just saying, i think frienships and how people view friendship are VERY personal and to me they seem to be based on individual characteristics... eh? there are acquaintances in my life that i would definitely be there for if they needed me (thats kinda rare but.. it happens.. u know?)
going back to what u were sayin bout true friends/friends/acquaintances over time, i have had the same experiences with people coming in and out of my life. however, looking BACK on those experiences, it doesn't seem fitting to call them true friends anymore. it reminds me that we need to be careful who we consider our true friends.. placing people on a pedestal is potentially problematic (sorry, im a nerd). in my eyes, it takes A LOT.. A LOT for me to consider someone a true friend, and most of that involves time.. if we have a relationship wherein we go from true friends to friends.. back to true friends.. that is in no way a TRUE friend (in my opinion). if one bad time causes someone to remove himself from your life.... well, im sure u see where i'm going with that.
ok.. apparently i'm long windin so i'm gonna leave it at that.
but great post muffin :)
great points.
yea there was soooooo much more i wanted to write...but i really would have been writing all day on it. so i didn't really delve as deep as i wanted too. but yea...the 3am thing...that's definitely one aspect...but definitely not the only...ya kno? like if you called me at 3am...I definitely got you. and that's me coming from Clayton County. so you know what i'm talking about. :) it definitely deals with the type person you are. I loved how you put that. maybe i'll start a part 2 on this topic on that aspect of friendship.
on your last huge paragraph...that was my exact basis on making this post. i know i've made the mistake in putting friends in fuzzy friend boundaries and ended up getting confused and hurt in the process. now of course...things happen as time passes, which is hard to avoid. so naturally, everyone has the potential to move from plateau to plateau. but...like you were saying...all that back and forth and back and forth again...that's where I feel like people need to start putting concrete boundaries around their ideas of friendship.
I like your replies! :) causes me to think some more.
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